The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship has always been one of the most discussed family dynamics, especially in South Asian households. This relationship can be nurturing and supportive, but it often becomes a source of conflict and stress for both sides. Actor Mohsin Gilani recently highlighted the reasons behind these tensions, pointing out how cultural expectations and family pressures can create misunderstandings between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Understanding these issues is the first step toward building healthier relationships.
Why the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationship Faces Tensions
According to Mohsin Gilani, one of the core problems begins even before the marriage itself. Mothers are often in a rush to see their sons married, but when the daughter-in-law enters the home, insecurity takes root. The mother-in-law may feel as though her son has been taken away from her, while the daughter-in-law tries to adjust to a completely new environment.
On the other hand, the bride’s mother frequently advises her daughter to ask for a separate house after marriage. This advice may be given out of love and concern, but it can create division right at the start of the marriage. When the husband begins giving time to his wife, the mother-in-law sometimes feels neglected, which leads to emotional distance and friction.
Cultural Influence on the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationship
In South Asian culture, family ties are deeply valued, and living in joint families has been a long-standing tradition. However, modern lifestyles, urbanization, and shifting values have reshaped how families live together. A 2023 survey by Gallup Pakistan revealed that 56% of urban families prefer living in nuclear households, compared to only 29% two decades ago. This transition has significantly affected the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, as expectations often clash between traditional and modern ways of living.
In joint families, daughters-in-law are expected to manage household responsibilities while balancing personal and professional commitments. If not managed well, this imbalance can fuel resentment and misunderstandings, widening the gap between the two women.
Emotional Needs in the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationship
Every relationship requires balance and mutual respect. The mother-in-law seeks love, attention, and care from her son, while the daughter-in-law seeks acceptance, independence, and understanding in her new home. When these emotional needs are not acknowledged, conflicts arise.
For example, when a husband spends quality time with his wife, it may be interpreted by the mother as emotional neglect. Similarly, when a daughter-in-law tries to establish boundaries, it may be misread as disrespect. These unspoken expectations form the root of many disputes.
Strategies to Improve the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationship
Building harmony requires conscious efforts from both sides. Here are some strategies that can help reduce tension and create a healthy balance:
1. Open Communication
Most misunderstandings in the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship come from assumptions rather than facts. Honest conversations about expectations, responsibilities, and boundaries can clear many doubts.
2. Respecting Individual Roles
The son plays a crucial role in balancing both relationships. He should respect his mother’s emotions without neglecting his wife’s needs. Similarly, the daughter-in-law should recognize the mother-in-law’s importance in the family, while the mother-in-law should welcome the new member with an open heart.
3. Avoiding Comparisons
Comparing a daughter-in-law with other women or a mother-in-law with other families can fuel insecurity. Instead, focusing on individual strengths and shared goals strengthens the bond.
4. Setting Boundaries with Love
Boundaries are not barriers—they protect relationships from unnecessary conflict. Establishing clear but respectful boundaries regarding privacy, financial matters, and household decisions can help both sides feel secure.
5. Encouraging Independence
When possible, giving the young couple their own space—whether through a separate portion of the house or independent decision-making—can reduce friction. This doesn’t mean cutting ties but rather reshaping them into a healthier form.
The Role of Society in Reducing Tensions
Society, media, and cultural narratives often reinforce the stereotype of a strained mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. Popular dramas and stories frequently portray this bond as toxic, which further deepens the belief that conflict is inevitable. In reality, many families maintain strong, loving ties across generations. Highlighting such positive examples can encourage others to change their mindset.
Moreover, family counseling and awareness programs can play a crucial role. Research from the American Psychological Association (2022) shows that families engaging in counseling improve conflict resolution by 65%, proving that external support can make a significant difference.
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is complex but not impossible to nurture. At its core, the tension arises from emotional insecurity, cultural expectations, and unspoken pressures. However, with open communication, mutual respect, and empathy, this relationship can transform into one of love, support, and strength.
Instead of seeing each other as rivals for the son’s attention, mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can work together to build a happier family environment. Change begins with awareness, and with conscious effort, this age-old conflict can turn into a lifelong bond of trust and respect.
